Mr. Wrong: this is why I didn't respond to your dating profile

1. Your photo(s):

Kudos for even posting one! However either your face is obscured by large sunglasses or you are merely a speck in the distance, and you can't be seen. Fail.

Your photo features one or more previous girlfriends. Classy, dude.

The photo is obviously very old, evidenced by the dated 80's haircut or popped collar.

You looked pissed off in your photo...what are you going to be like on the date???

You have five zillion photos of yourself that would literally take me hours to browse. Sorry but I'm too busy for that.

2. Your opening line:

Here are a few 'First Impression Fails' that kept me clicking past:

"I need to work on my abs"
"Sorry ladies. I'm a Eunuch...lol"
"No Games!"
"I don't know what I'm doing"
"Looking for my lost shaker of salt"
"HAVE YOU EVER SEEN BRAD PITT... WELL I LOOK NOTHING LIKE HIM"

3. You can't spell:

(Sorry if this seems like I'm picking gnat s**t out of pepper, but it's a BIG peeve of mine)

"funny loveing and careing helpful open mind outgoing good senes of herumy likes the outdoors swim relax at cottage in front of fireplaces or have a coffe on the dock watch the sun set..."

4. You are negative and/or yelling at me:

"I AM NOT INTO HEAD GAMES. I AM LOOKING FOR A WOMAN WHO IS STRAIGHTFORWARD AND NOT AFRAID TO SPEAK HER MIND. AT THE SAME TIME, SHE SHOULD BE SWEET, KIND, LOVING AND GENTLE. I HOPE I AM NOT ASKING FOR TOO MUCH."

"These sites are crazy...so many people looking for the right person and I often wonder if those searching are serious at all. "

"THIS IS QUITE A PROCESS. TO TRY AND SELL YOURSELF. I FEEL AS THOUGH I AM BEING AUCTIONED OFF ON E-BAY, OR ONE OF THOSE INFORMERCIALS ON TV."

"Looking for someone normal.Good head on thier shoulders.No control freaks...Laid back and relaxed, but not lazy."

Appies for dinner!

In true Rules spirit, I did not rush to return F's calls when he tried reaching me a week or so after the cruise. After his third voicemail, which I received when I was in the U.S. visiting family, I called back and left him a message saying I had been out of town, and agreeing that we could get together the week following my return. We coordinated an after work date on a Thursday night at a local seafood restaurant.

I arrived just a few minutes late, and F was waiting for me at the bar. We grabbed a table outside and he excitedly announced that it was half-price appetizer night, adding that the appies at this restaurant were fantastic. We ordered our drinks and 3 small appetizers, and after two hours had passed I ended the date for two reasons: 1. I had an hour drive home, and 2. It was 8:30pm by this time and I was starving. F made it clear during the date that he wasn't that hungry and appetizers were more than enough for him on a hot summer evening. He did not ask if I wanted to order dinner, and I wasn't about to suggest it.

He wanted to know if he could call me again, and after five seconds of deliberation I said that would be fine, but I'll make sure to have a full stomach before the next date, if there is one.